1. "Jersey Shore's" JWOWW denied that she's getting bigger breast implants. If she wants more "boobs," she'll just hang around Pauly D and The Situation.
2. Jennifer Lopez announced that she is leaving her label, Epic Records. Epic told Lopez to not let the door hit her on the behind on the way out, because they don't want to have to replace the door.
3. A killer whale attacked and killed its trainer at Sea World Orlando. Hence, its name.
4. Gillette may drop Tiger Woods from its advertising. Because those chicks he nailed were definitely NOT "the best a man can get."
5. The actor who played Boner on "Growing Pains" gave his Los Angeles landlord 30 days notice before disappearing. For more details on the case, Google "Boner disappearance" and then scroll through all the naked photos of Snooki.
6. Men who smoke had lower IQ scores than men who do not. So the dudes look cool, they just can't spell it.
7. ABC is cutting 400 jobs. That's right, they're firing the cast of "Lost".
8. A University of Illinois study found that pleasuring yourself is good for your health. And even better for anyone with Kleenex stock.
9. Bruce Willis announced that he will likely star in a fifth "Die Hard" movie. Due to Willis's advanced age, the movie will be titled, "Okay, I'm Ready to Die Now".
10. Oprah's people are denying that they're producing a Paula Abdul talk show. It's more of a "babble incoherently and then giggle for no reason" show.
11. Sarah Palin's longtime spokeswoman has resigned. And by "resigned" I mean "gave up."
12. Last night on "American Idol", the top 12 guys performed. So unlike the girls' performance on Tuesday, Ellen kept her hands ABOVE the table.
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